It’s a big deal, and I wasn’t prepared for it (can one ever really be though????? I’d be surprised if it wasn’t like a bomb dropped and exploded for everyone). One becomes a new person of two, a parent and a mother. Just like that you enter this new world and life. I mean, I know everyone understands that a little human grows inside of a body and then comes out of it. But just read that again and realise how strange and life-changing that is for the one going through it. I’ll be the first one to say, it humbles a person.
See, people take it for granted. The whole thing, that is. People tend to focus on the end game and that little cute healthy happy baby. Just like when someone gets really fit and people don’t really focus on all the work and time and energy that goes into a change like that. People don’t see or realise the long journey that takes you there and everything that happens in between. We’re simple like that. Usually I find that’s why people stick to the simple questions about pregnancy and babies, getting simple answers in return. Diaper, breastfeeding, poo, weight and the little cute things your baby “has just started doing”- talk becomes boring for someone on the go to their next meeting. Whereas for someone going through it, it’s your everyday and everything all of a sudden. We seek validation and companionship. It’s a relief to hear someone else is going through just what you’re going through- you’re not alone after all!! *whew*. So it’s no wonder there’s a gap between parents and the ones that are far away from it.
This little tiny baby comes out and of a sudden you’re 100% responsible for a helpless little innocent beautiful life. That little tiny baby will get a name and become a little life on its own, depending on your constant care 24/7. Yeah, that’s a big huge massive deal. And so is the amount of anxiety that comes with it, checking their breathing and wondering if this or that is normal.
As a woman… All of a sudden your body goes 100% mother, physically it will whether you like it or not, to start with. The change happens FAST. Out comes the baby and left is “the leftovers”… an empty but blown up belly, lumps of all kinds of fluid, blood, more blood, leaks of all kinds, gas etc. A whole new body for you to grow into. It doesn’t feel that attractive in the beginning. Mentally and physically it takes time… Sore (and by sore I mean wounded-flesh-type-of-sore) nipples and heavy boobs (before they adjust and become your new boobs, that is, which is also weird. especially if you never had big boobs before)… Milk supply or lack of it will also become a daily thing on the agenda. Sure, people talk about latching and how good it is for the baby etc when it comes to breastfeeding, but don’t forget yourself as a woman in the process. It can hurt like hell or be wonderful. There are different phases and your boobs will need time to adjuat. It can be constantly leeking or nowhere to be seen.
*sidenote* I cannot recommend MEDELA BOOB CUPS enough!! What a lifesaver they were the first weeks for me. So was letting my boobs air and hot showers.
Another welcome: new instincts, like not fully sleeping (ever?)… While at the same time questioning your instincts like never before and seeking answers for things *enter google* such as “is it normal for my baby to shake its head side to side” and similar. While at the same time dealing with opinions and thoughts and worries of others, of course.
If you had an emergency C section and never had surgery before (like me), the aftermath can hit you brutally. I was far from prepared and underestimated what happens when you’re cut up. No one told me “you’ll feel like your intestines will fall out of your stomach as you try to stand up. It will hurt to sneeze and cough and laugh.. Also, get ready to sleep sitting up for a LONG time. Pretty much learn how to move without engaging your core at all the first days (no matter how much you want to) and say goodbye to your butt for a while and hello to chafing”. All bodies heal differently but I did not count on not being allowed to train for so long *enter borderline depression*, so tools, tools and more tools are needed to cope. So is coping with not giving “natural birth”, which my man reminded me is a poor choice of words. You either gave birth through your vagina or through surgery, but either way that baby came through and out of your body. You did that.
Which brings us to the other side of the coin. The obvious little tiny wonderful thing that gets you through it all. Your baby. The one who’s worth all the rushed/unfinished poos, the one that makes you forget all about hair and make up, worth all the weird positions your body gets into (which in turn will mess your body up in new ways), that little someone who will make time fly and all hours blend together, the one who will need you more than anyone before and fills your whole being with a love so deep it blows your mind *enter hormones and tears every time you watch them sleep*.
In the end, the comfort can be that all this new stuff will become the new normal one day. I know people say that and it doesn’t really provide any immediate comfort, seeing you’re not there yet. Kind of like when you were a kid and people told you it would get easier… But with that in mind, if you’ve ever done something for the first time and now do it without thinking and worrying so much about it – know that YOU CAN. Trust, support and self-love. Also, get some alone time(!!!!) and help, no matter how lovely your baby is (f.ex to have a calm shower or walk), every now and then (and don’t feel bad about it!) or you’ll lose it for real and no one benefits from that in the end.